Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My life is pants optional.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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