i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
