so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
