I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
