I cockslap morals
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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