He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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