Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
