So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
