the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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