FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
