I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's always time for handjobs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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