the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize