I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
