truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
