I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
