Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
