ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
