1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
