Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
