Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
