you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize