How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
