There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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