I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
