My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
