we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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