I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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