walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
