I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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