you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize