I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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