When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
