you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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