I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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