I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
