Whod you bang
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
