in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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