do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
