i don't like sucking hair
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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