Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
