I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
