she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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