Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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