Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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