Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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