Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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