Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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