well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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