im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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