dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
vagina is talking i cant
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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