Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
