is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
God, I missed his penis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
