Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
