I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
