i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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