I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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