i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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