dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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