Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
