not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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