good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
