my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
