We're facebook friends in real life
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
