btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
