look no pants
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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