this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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