what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Boobs speak an international language.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
