My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
